Hey, did you know that it’s okay to be a DINK couple? It’s true. We know. It’s a strange concept to many, not wanting to have children. From a DINK couple, we will share with you more about our experience. Let’s talk about why it is more than okay to be a DINK couple.
Some DINK Background on Us
I (Shannon) was recently reading the book, Southern Lady Code by Helen Ellis. A chapter resonated with me. It was a chapter called, “Free to be…you and me (and childfree).”
It moved me so much, that I thought I should write about how it made me feel. My hope is that it may inspire others who are in the same boat. You should feel comforted that it is okay to be a dink.
I just wish I would have read this 10 years ago. Perhaps, a magic time capsule where Helen Ellis would have written it before now. That wasn’t her path, and things happen for a reason- or so I am told.
What is a DINK?
What is a dink, you ask? A dink is an acronym: “Double Income No Kids”. Gerry and I both work but have no children- our choice. A topic that I do not often discuss, but according to a therapist I once had, it was an issue for me to feel that I did something wrong by not having children.
It is our choice to not have children, despite that not being the original plan. We discuss this in more detail in a podcast episode, DINK Life Explained.
My mother shouted from the rooftops, even on my wedding day how she wanted grandkids, ASAP! Mom and I have worked through this now, but it was such an intense pressure I experienced- not just from her. Mostly anyone and everyone around us.
My grandmother told me constantly how badly she wanted to be a great-grandmother! Ughh! Ger never faced the pressure that I felt, because society doesn’t put that on men. Ger has never been asked why he doesn’t have children.
Answering the Questions about Kids
Even as I embarked on my 40’s, I was asked why I didn’t have children. I now reply, “Because we don’t want children. I then leave it at that.
Thankfully, I married a man who is so supportive. He expressed in the beginning that he’d be okay if we had kids. Similarly, he was fine if we didn’t have kids. We talked about it each year. We always put it off. We thought one day, we would feel so moved to do it, that we would pursue that path. Well, it never happened.
We never felt that tug, that calling. That magical feeling that we should move along with the process of having children, physically, or by adopting never came. We enjoy our lives- even though we don’t have children (human children, that is). And guess what, it is possible.
Why It’s Okay to be a DINK
Ger and I can do things we wouldn’t be able to do if we had kids. We can travel at the drop of a hat. We can have drinks after work anytime we want. We take as much time as we want. With expendable income, we can live life the way we want (though we are mostly minimalists). We also can retire the way we want.
We can sell our house on a whim, and live minimally on the coast. There is no worrying about the school districts, or the effect these changes will have on a child.
Our former business was our baby. We put everything into it, and we wouldn’t have been able to have that experience if we had children.
We cannot help but think that we wouldn’t have absorbed the unconditional love of our pets if we had children. I attended a women’s social event a few years ago. There was a psychic as one of the “experiences” of the event.
I took my turn to talk to the psychic. One of the questions I asked was whether we would have, or adopt a child. The psychic quickly replied, “Would you want to be your own mother?” Ouch! Maybe she could tap into my obsessiveness to dote, caudal, and worry about my pets… not sure.
Embracing the Life You Want
Yes, I know, we have free will and all of that, but it was another musing that I filed away to contemplate later. After a few years of going back and forth, trying to make a decision for those around us, we decided, that being parents to a human wasn’t for us. All of a sudden, I did not just accept it, but I embraced it.
To think, now that I let myself off of the hook with all of the pressure. I could now live my life the way I want. Those around me could get over it and just do the same with their lives.
DINKwads (Double Income No Kids with a Dog)
Now, I have no problem admitting proudly and freely that Ger and I are pet parents extraordinaire! If I were a pet, I would want to be ours. Betty White, and our past pets (Kiko, Wilson, and Pharrell) live(d) pretty cushy lives.
It breaks my heart that all pets don’t live the life they did/do. I am unsure if we could be the pet parents we are if we had human children.
We also adore being Auntie Shan and Uncle Ger! That role is fun and rewarding for us. I also know there are people in this world who should not have been parents, and their resentment is evident in their daily lives. It is sad, not just for them, but for the other beings that they brought into this world.
I know that being a parent, non-parent, dink, wife, or whatever title I have or do not have, doesn’t define me, or make me who I am. Just as a mother, father, teacher, doctor, mechanic, or any other role in your life doesn’t make you who you truly are.
I highly recommend “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer. Singer discusses the definitions of who we are, and how your roles do not define your true self.
So, if you are reading this, and feel camaraderie in seeing that life is fulfilling as a dink, and you feel a sense of comfort knowing that you are not alone in your dink-dom, then good. My blog job is done. For us, this adventure called life has its lessons, and embracing what has been set before us now, is the biggest lesson we have learned, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Leave a Reply