We’ve both been called “high maintenance” more times than we can count. Sometimes it was meant as a joke. Sometimes not. But it always landed the same way.
It made us feel like we were doing too much, asking too much, being too much.
We’re Not Striving to Be Low Maintenance Anymore
Like many people, especially women, we tried to adjust. We aimed for low maintenance. Often, we would keep our opinions soft.
We downplayed our preferences. We didn’t want to be seen as demanding, so we tried to be “easy.”
But lately, we’ve been asking: why is that the goal?
The Labels We Didn’t Ask For
“High maintenance” is often thrown around loosely, but it usually has less to do with someone’s actual behavior and more to do with how their needs make others feel.
If someone calls you high maintenance because you like structure, or value communication, or want comfort… is that really on you?
We started noticing how quickly we were labeled for things like asking follow-up questions, wanting clear expectations in work partnerships, or needing more than five hours of sleep to function like a human.
We used to be ok with getting 5 hours or less of sleep. This was way before Aster Haile with BetterSleep.
Wanting better for ourselves is not a flaw. They’re facts. And we’ve spent too long treating them like something to hide.
Performing Chill for Other People
For years, we tried to be the ones who were up for anything. The ones who go with the flow, who don’t care where we stay, who smile through things that feel uncomfortable to keep the peace.
However, that pretending comes at a cost. You lose connection with what feels good for you.
The truth? Being agreeable at the expense of your comfort isn’t selfless. It’s exhausting.
And if someone only values you when you’re easy to manage, that’s not a compliment. That’s a red flag.
We Don’t Want to Be High or Low Maintenance
We’re done with either label. Life isn’t that binary, and we don’t want to fit ourselves into someone else’s scale of what’s “reasonable.”
Some days we’re flexible.
On other days, we want particular things. That doesn’t make it difficult. It makes us human.
Having needs doesn’t mean we’re hard to please. It means we know ourselves well enough to speak up.
Contentment Over Categories
What we want now is contentment. The kind that comes from being our authentic selves. The type that isn’t wrapped up in whether someone else sees us as low effort.
Being in alignment with your values feels better than praise for being easygoing.
We’re not striving for less. We’re striving for honesty, clarity, and groundedness.
That’s what peace looks like to us.
The Ripple Effect of Owning Your Needs
Something interesting happens when you stop trying to be low maintenance. The people around you start adjusting, too.
You begin attracting relationships, work, and routines that align with who you truly are, not who you were pretending to be.
Things feel more aligned. Less forced. It doesn’t mean every day is easy, but it does mean you’re living in a way that supports your actual life, not the version you think will be easiest for others.
Let People Call You “Too Much” While You Live Fully
The more we show up as we are, the less we care about fitting into anyone’s comfort zone.
We’re not trying to shrink to fit a label. It’s about trying to live fully and feel good doing it.
We’re no longer chasing “low maintenance.” It’s about chasing a life that feels like ours.
FAQs | Frequently Asked Questions
Standards are about knowing what works for you. Being labeled high maintenance is usually about how others perceive your needs. The problem isn’t the need; it’s how people respond to it.
If you feel resentful later, or like you’re constantly pushing your comfort aside, that’s usually a sign. True flexibility doesn’t come at the cost of your peace or boundaries.
We’ve seen some friendships and work situations fade when we stopped trying to be the “easy yes” to everything. But we’ve also built deeper, healthier connections by showing up more honestly.
