Reclaiming Your Power This Holiday Season

If you think reclaiming your power and the holiday season don’t go hand in hand, keep reading.

Each holiday season seems to bring unattainable expectations, the pressure to conform, and the feeling that one’s life and plans are all under someone else’s control.

An American Psychological Association poll concluded that 89% of people stress the holidays, citing not having enough money, loss of loved ones, and the dreaded family conflict.

A few years ago, we learned that our lifestyle and holiday plans wouldn’t appease everyone, so we opted to keep riding that train, reclaiming our power to run our own lives.

Reclaiming Your Power is Easier Than You Think

While simply surviving the holidays may be your goal, what if we told you that you can reclaim them, using your personal power to do whatever the F you want to do?!

Let’s do this.

Identify Your Holiday “Have-To’s”

The idea here is to uncover which holiday activities, traditions, or obligations feel like “must-do” tasks that drain your energy rather than bring joy.

This is the first step when you are reclaiming your power and your holidays.

1. List the Usual Suspects

• Write down everything you typically do during the holidays, big or small. This could include shopping, decorating, cooking big meals, attending multiple gatherings, holiday card writing, gift wrapping, or even specific traditions like baking cookies or decorating the whole house.
• The goal is to lay it all out without judging if you “should” or “shouldn’t” enjoy each item. Just capture everything you tend to do.

2. Notice Your Gut Reaction

• For each item on the list, what is your first reaction? Do you feel energized or tired just thinking about it? Do you feel a pang of dread, a sense of obligation, or maybe just plain indifference? It’s important to trust your intuition.
• If you only do certain things because you’re “supposed to” (like hosting or attending a certain event), that’s a big clue it’s a “have-to” item.

3. Reflect on Where It Comes From

• Think about where each “have-to” might come from. Are there certain expectations from family, friends, or even yourself?
• Maybe you attend a specific holiday party every year, but it’s more out of family tradition than genuine excitement, or you go all-out decorating because it’s how your parents did it, not because it sparks joy.

4. Decide: Is It Essential or Optional?

• For each item, ask yourself, “If I didn’t do this, would it impact my happiness or enjoyment of the holiday season?” This can help separate the significant traditions from those that have become routine.
• Labeling things as “essential” or “optional” gives you a clearer sense of what you might want to prioritize versus what can be gently retired or ignored.

5. Imagine Letting It Go (and See How It Feels)

• Finally, imagine skipping or simplifying each “have-to” item. Does it feel like a relief, or does it bring up guilt? If you feel relieved, it’s probably a sign that activity doesn’t need to be there.
• On the flip side, if you feel a pang of guilt but don’t want to do it, that’s a chance to reframe it or approach it differently. For instance, hosting could be simplified with a potluck, or decorating could be scaled down to just a favorite room.

Shift to a “Want-To” Mindset

This shift is about reframing your holiday activities and obligations to focus on what brings joy, not just what you feel obligated to do.

Here’s how you can make that change in reclaiming your power for the holidays!

1. Start with Your “Want-To” List

• Make a list of everything that genuinely excites you about the holidays. It could be things as simple as listening to holiday music, watching Hallmark, or gathering with close friends for a low-key evening.
• Get specific and focus on what about each activity brings joy—this helps you clarify what you truly look forward to so you can prioritize it.

2. Reframe “Have-To” Activities as Opportunities (or Let Them Go)

• For the items that are necessary or unavoidable (like certain family gatherings), reframe them as “want-to” opportunities. For instance, instead of thinking, “I have to go to this family dinner,” reframe it as “I want to see my family and can make it enjoyable by staying for a limited time.”
• Give yourself permission to let go of some “have-to” items that don’t align with your values or goals. Maybe this is the year they skip the holiday cards, opt out of gift exchanges, or decide not to over-decorate by trying a simple and minimal Christmas decor approach.

3. Infuse “Want-To” Elements into Traditional Obligations

• Look for ways to add a “want-to” element to a “have-to” task. For example:
  • Gifting: Instead of feeling pressured to buy gifts for everyone, maybe you focus on meaningful gifts for just a few people or give experiential gifts, which can be more enjoyable to plan and give. See Minimalist Gift Ideas.
  • Decorating: If full-on decorating is a chore, you can simplify to just a few favorite areas or items. This way, they keep the cozy vibe without the hassle.
  • Hosting: Rather than a big, formal meal, they could opt for a casual gathering or a cozy potluck, which might feel more authentic and less stressful.

Say Bye-Bye to Obligations

Listen, if there is anything we know is a struggle, it is the need to create and stick to boundaries. There really is no time like the present to make your boundaries known.

Start with yourself. What boundaries do you need to set up to be your best self? Then, tell the people in your life what they are.

What are your non-negotiables? Work on knowing exactly what lines will not be crossed.

Seriously, you can say, “Hey, Aunt Sally, I do not have the mental capacity to handle Thanksgiving at your house. I am no longer going to events that cause me stress and do not bring me joy. I will swing by later to see you, and we can grab a meal.”

Setting boundaries is essential when you are reclaiming your power.

Make a List of Your Favorite Traditions (or New Ones)

Identify holiday traditions that bring you true joy and let go of the ones that don’t.

1. Reflect on Favorites

Think back on past holiday memories and list the traditions that felt truly special. Rank the top few to focus on first and consider letting go of any that feel more like chores.

2. Reimagine Traditions

Adjust old traditions to fit current lifestyles. For example, if a big dinner is overwhelming, simplify it to a cozy brunch or dessert night. Little tweaks keep it enjoyable without stress.

3. Start Fresh Traditions

Brainstorm new traditions like a holiday movie night or a quiet weekend getaway.

Practice gratitude so you can reflect on what truly matters. Being thankful doesn’t have to start in November. 

A few years ago, we started the tradition of driving to see Christmas Lights on Harkers Island. It’s now something we love to do each year to extend the holidays a bit.

4. Add a Personal Tradition

Include at least one tradition just for you, like enjoying a favorite holiday drink, a yoga session on the beach, or a peaceful morning walk. Solo traditions add a layer of personal joy to the season.

It’s a great way of honoring how important your personal space is just for you.

There isn’t anything as impactful as putting yourself first when you are reclaiming your power!

Your Mental Health Matters

Look, the holidays can be difficult for many, but remember to control the things you can control. Your mental health is essential and should not be a bargaining chip at the holidays.

It’s important that we care for ourselves as much as we do others. It’s also important to remember that every season is temporary. That includes the December holiday season and other times in your life.

Here are some tips for managing holiday stress. Remember, you hold the power to make this holiday season whatever you want it to be!

Now, jingle all the way to the best holiday season ever!

FAQs | Frequently Asked Questions